Wednesday, May 16
Every atom in my body feels unhappy. I hate where I am. It all feels wrong. Like i'm in the wrong place, pursuing the wrong things, surrounded by the wrong people. My life just hasn't been making any sense and it took a slightly unusual kind of epiphany to realize that. Someone whom I didn't even know of until very recently but who has been an inspiration to me through everything she's been doing and the pure goodness of her heart. Gives me hope that people like that still exist, although I haven't come across anyone like her, here at least. Might've even developed a little crush haha. But seriously though it only makes me reflect on how life should really be-- simple, with a handful of supportive friends and family, doing things together; just LIVING. I want to wander, to be away doing great things, for people who need it. Things that have nothing to do with materialism. Money can be made in a million different ways but you don't have to kill yourself obtaining it. I don't think that's what life is about. But I don't feel any of that kind of support here. Inconsistent friends. Self centered, immature people who drop you like a bad habit the moment you are of no use to them. People who constantly relish in breaking your heart or are cruel to you just because "everyone else is so why shouldn't I be?" It's all rubbish. I feel trapped and I want to be somewhere else. Not to say other countries don't have similar types but its a big world out there and you're eventually bound to find a kind hearted, supportive soul. One can only hope.
